How do you get over the death of a loved one?

When someone close to us dies, our whole life changes.  It is the end of an era, maybe something beautiful or maybe something painful.  One thing is certain is that our lives will never be the same again.  How do you get over the death of a loved one?

Honestly the truth is you don’t.  You never ‘get over it’ because you will never stop loving them.  You ‘get over’ a cold.  You are ill for a short while and feel rubbish but eventually the cold goes away and your life returns to exactly how it was before the pesky virus took hold.  In a years time you probably won’t even remember the cold, it’s history, you’ve ‘got over’ it.

People we love remain with us until we ourselves die.  They are in our memories and our hearts.  We will think about them at random times, maybe birthdays, anniversaries or Christmas.  Maybe when we are out and about and see something that they would have liked.  When the pain is raw and recent, these memories may bring tears and sadness as their loss hurts.  We want nothing more than to have them back and to be able to have one more conversation with them.

As time passes however we start to notice a change.  The hurt gradually turns to happiness, the tears when we remember them gradually turn to smiles as we remember the good times.  Life continues and it becomes ok to start enjoying things again and gradually a new life is formed.  I say a new life because it is a life without the person that has died but it is a life that we are able to give ourselves permission to enjoy and embrace.

There will always remain within us a part that grieves for that person and there will be times when we revisit that grief.  I believe it is important to embrace this and allow these moments to happen because acknowledging our sadness allows us to more fully live.

There is a saying “Grief is just love with no place to go….grief lasts as long as love lasts – forever.”

It’s ok to be sad, the moments of sadness just show how much we loved the person and as long as we have love, they will never truly have gone.

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